If I fall down
by Leoceu
Summary: He was a person, a hunter, a demon, a vessel, a brother, once a lover, a son and a friend. He did his best, his all wasn't enough. - Oneshot - No Slash - Sam main focus


**A/N: Found this saved in one of my old usb drive. I thought I'd share :) Hope you guys like it**

* * *

**If I fall down**

Sam Winchester could taste the blood in his blue cold lips. His lungs were heavy whit to much air that burned all the way inside. The silver knife was toasted to the mug ground, getting clean in seconds whit the shower of the heavy rain that was falling from the sky above.

He hated all. The monsters, the screams and ghosts, the burning feeling of fire touching skin, the scares and blood, the feeling of murders. He hated the person he was whit a knife in his hands or a gun, he didn't only hate hunting, he despise the all concept that hunting brought to himself, he hate the person he was when he was hunting, and that alone make him unable to live a life that wasn't call surviving .

There is a point in everyone life when it all becomes too much to bear, where if you don't walk away you know deep in your soul you want make it. That moment came to Sam in early age, when he left to collage. Sam knew, even before Lucifer knocked on his door, that he couldn't stay in this life, because if he did, he would lose life itself.

He run, in his eyes he didn't, he just chose to live and not to die in the hands of what was waiting for him out there in the dark. His Dad and old brother thought he was escaping from responsibility, family, people in need, and all the other excuses that Sam couldn't even think about.

For 2 years Sam had found himself. Found the save place he wanted, it wasn't perfect, far from it, but to Sam that was all he needed and nothing more. Sometimes he close his eyes and saw the places he used to go, saw the beautiful impala, and his brother on the weal shouting for him to hurry up. He saw it all, he knew he could miss them, he was allowed to, because it wasn't a matter of leaving who you love behind.

Then it all came back rushing in, stronger than before, harder than it was. The fire burned in ways he had forgot, and wail the fire was destroying everything he had taken years of courage to do and build, he was screaming for the body on the celling, whit a soul long gone. This was what he had walked away from. Shouted and blamed for not caring enough, weren't other people not caring for him as well? They seem to miss the iron of it all. Sam was missing it too.

His empty body couldn't give up. He didn't want to just fate in a memory. Still it was hard to find a reason to stay. Even when he knew what he was making his mind up too wasn't that good of idea he couldn't see another way, so he let the anger consume him, and the thirst of revenge take him offer.

It wasn't an act, he rely felt it. The problem is when you started to feel tired. The problem only beguines when not even anger can take the exhausted feeling of your skin. What did a person do when not even anger was left? They simple waited; at least that was what Sam Winchester decided to do. He waited. Waited for the world to end, for the time to become dust, he waited for nothing and everything. He waited watching his brother fight reason, opinions, demons, god itself, he waited for the moment he knew it would come.

Not even Lucifer understood. He saw how the devil plays whit his head, seeing his deep dark secrets and all his wishes and dreams. How funny how that wasn't at all what he felt, maybe a part was true, he wouldn't deny that. Yet, it was all too simple, the people around were only complicating it.

This wasn't about what he needed to do, what was right or wrong. It wasn't about what he had wanted once, or cared about; it wasn't about happy family's whit a whit fence and 2 dogs. Nor it was about earth itself and how empty he was. It was more simple then all that. He was tired, too tired, and more than anything he was waiting.

He was a person, a hunter, a demon, a vessel, a brother, once a lover, a son and a friend.

He did his best, his all wasn't enough.

He stared at the ground were the knife was sinking slower in the river of mug around. He stared and the thing who just had died in his hands. The face was burned and pilling off, showing the vessel Lucifer had wear, proving how he had succeed in killing the devil.

He turned around, in another times he would have feel the pain in his chest when he saw the terror in Dean eyes. The fear he never had seen in his older brother. His lips turn up a bit, nodding his understanding, there was nothing left at all.

It was time to leave, he could wait some more, but there was no time for that anymore.

There was no place for him. There was not just a thing call normal for a person like Sam Winchester.

"Sam…Wait"

The words were nothing anymore, the voice mean nothing the moment the hunted and frighten look was send to his way and not to the devil. His feet were walking in a sure peace, knowing exactly were they were going even before his mind knew it.

"Come on man… Please"

He saw more then he felt the hands in his chest trying to stop him from taking another step.

Why not? He wasn't in a rush. Not at all

"Sam? Just… Say something for goodness sake"

Dean who avoided talks, Dean who avoided everything that was relented to Sam now days. It wasn't always liked that. Here he was, his bigger brother, panicking.

There was no reason for Dean not to, if a brother who loved and knew his brother better than anyone, saw the blank eyes of Sam Winchester, they would see that death wasn't even the worst of life. Dean knew his brother didn't he? Then why was Sam looking at him and not seeing anything, nothing at all. It worse than the time his young brother body had been laid in a dirty bed, cold and not moving at all. Worse, because this time he was breeding, but there was no one home.

"I'm done waiting"

The frowned in Dean face were deeper then when he had found that the angels of the lord were in fact real.

"Waiting? Waiting for what?"

"You don't have to wait anymore. I'm here"

A voice not strong enough to be from man said, a voice of a kid, one that seemed sure what he was middling in, his head up high, hiding inside the feelings of a child. Sam knew it to well

Sam looked to the kid and nodded

"Sammy?"

That was Sammy, His Sammy, the innocent 14 years old Sammy who still treat him like the biggest hero, the one who love Dean more than anything.

Sammy looked right to Dean eyes. The kid seemed to be trying to memorize every line, smiling a sad smile.

"You are old men"

Sammy said whit the voice he used to teas Dean in older times

Dean was glue to the ground, the rain was making him seeing things, there was no way his younger brother, that was just in front of him, was also at his left, some feet away, youngers then it was supposed to. The younger and innocent kid who still hadn't saw half of the horror and darkens of the world. The one who still believed in the good in people and still prayed every night to his guardian angel.

The kid stared at Sam, who seemed to be looking back, but not rely there.

"That bad huh?"

"I have been waiting" came the low whisper of Sam

"Sorry, I have…" The kid seemed sad and nervous

"I know"

Sam eyes seemed more focus now, eyes of someone who finally found what he wanted

"What the hell is going one?" Dean was shouting now offer the hard sound of rain. Anger and despair were running from his veins

"Don't worry, nothing will change… Just me."

Sam worked fast, he knew right about now the kid, his younger self would ask if he could say some words to Dean, that would ruined every damn thing, once more. So, before _Sammy _even opened his mought Sam was doing what he needed to do, to be able to final rest in peace

Before Dean could complain or ask what that was supposed to mean Sam took his gun from his back in a fast move and shoot right to the middle of the kid eyes, leaving Sammy white wide open eyes, falling to the ground.

Dean saw Sammy fall in slow motion, wanting to run but unable, shouting, yet not hearing his own voice. Falling to the mug ground, soaking his jeans in seconds, holding the small figure, calling for his name. Ready to kill someone, turning is head in a fast way to shout and yell at Sam.

That was the moment he saw the blood running from Sam forehead as well, the hole just the same as Sammy. There was only one shoot, two holes were made.

Sam was staring right back to Dean before he fall to the ground like a broken doll.

Only then did Dean enter in shook, only then did Dean felt more than the rain running from his cheek, only, and only then did Dean broke apart and sobbed like he never had let himself do. Only then did he broke like Sam had years ago.

**The end**

* * *

**A/N: This was actually inspired by the song of The Killers - When You Were Young Lyrics - I know, nothing in command at all.  
Well, I hope you guys liked it, and that the story wasn't too Confusing... Once again, I apologize for the mistakes**


End file.
